Party of Four?

why the ish? well, since the appts have switched to thursdays, it’s really closer to the end of the numbered week (which flips on staturday like the calendar) than the beginning.

anyway, with all the excitement, i forgot to officially report on what happened.

nothing much really. we chatted about how annoyed i am at how mobile charlotte is (yes, yes, it’s better than the alternative, but still, you don’t live with my belly, so you don’t know), and what is worthy of a phone call/trip to the hospital (if my water breaks, if i have contractions about 5 minutes apart lasting for about a minute, if there’s heavy bleeding, if charlotte stops moving). no word on how effaced i am, but since i was 80% last week, i can’t imagine it’s really noteworthy beyond “good to go” at this point. i was a bit less than 3 cm dilated, which as far as i’m concerned is really good. i mean, 4 is the magic “active labor” number i keep seeing, so i can’t imagine progressing much further (i gained over a cm from last week), before it’s time to go.

i asked how much longer she thought it would be and got a not-surprising “it could be tonight. it could be 2 weeks from now.” response. she did mention that she wouldn’t let me go past 41 weeks, so i figure that 11/12 is all the later it’s going to be. as frustrating as that would (will?!) be, at least it’s an end date.

looks like charlotte and my body are just messing with me.

today was spent staying relatively close to home and with an eye on my belly (so to speak) to keep track of what was going on. things sort of fell apart around lunch time. since it was a beautiful day and they say that walking is one of the ways to get/keep things going, we decided to spend the day at the zoo. we walked and walked and walked. it was hard to keep an eye on what was happening in my belly since walking generally causes some cramping. it did seem that towards the end of the walk i was getting some distinct contractions, about every 15-20 minutes or so. those faded for a while, but picked back up again after dinner.

so now i sit here on the couch, watching ryan play video games and patiently waiting my turn and having “something” happen every half hour or so.

i don’t think she’s coming any time soon, however. we could keep this game up for days and even weeks before it’s time for the real deal.

sigh. one good thing has come out of this, though. before i felt there was a key difference between “are you ready?” and “it’s time for you to be ready, are you?” i’ve always felt ready, but being faced with the concrete possibility was a completely different feeling and had a completely different answer.

i’m ready now though. i don’t like this teasing stuff and since it’s gonna happen, i’d rather it really happen.

game on.

in case anyone’s watching the blog/feed for news.

we went to bed around 1am finally, with contractions around 20 minutes apart that were slowly gathering in intensity. i woke up every hour or so due to contractions, moving baby, and the standard “gotta pee” feelings, but i’m fairly confident that the contractions had a more regular schedule than that. they say that lying (laying?) on your side diminishes stuff, so who knows.

this morning they seem to be about 15 minutes apart and are definitely stronger. i’ve had a couple since getting up and there was very little “um…i think this is something” doubt in my mind.

so…odds are that today’s at least the day i’m heading to the hospital, if not charlotte’s actual birthday. it still might be all in my head, or take another day or so before anything hospital worthy kicks in. i probably won’t believe it’s actually happening until my water breaks or i’m doubled over in pain :)

toodles!

boy will this sound silly later if i’m not.

this morning i woke up with a weird vibe. i blame the tasty spanikopita i had for dinner last night (read: feta cheese, spinach, philo dough), and my doctor saying “it could be tonight, it could be 2 weeks from now” when i asked her about labor. nevertheless, i woke up worried that today was special, and played through quite a few “what if x happens” scenarios in my head that i hadn’t before. (what if my water breaks right now? what happens if it breaks in the middle of the day? etc etc).

i spent too much time this morning worrying about the nursery, which was still in so many piles of bags of stuff and with much less order to the chaos than i was comfortable with. by 11am it was much, much better, and i was beat. i took my 2pm nap at 12:30 and still managed to sleep until 4, which seemed a bit extreme, even with my over-worked morning.

we had dinner at friends which was tasty and fun. a bit later, while we were just hanging out watching tv and stuff, things began to feel … odd. at first, it was just charlotte doing her evening twists and things, but at one point it felt like more than just her. there’s a tightening that happens when she pushes off and sticks her butt out at me that i’ve sort of gotten used to. this was more intense. then it happened again. and then again. probably only about 3 times in an hour and a half, but still.

we got home and i was still really tired, despite my special long nap. so i hung out on the couch for a while and watched ryan play beautiful katamari for a while.

about 10:30, i decided this was happening too frequently and with too consistent of markers (shortness of breath followed by a too-big-to-be-charlotte “push”) to not be tracked. turns out it’s been happening every 20 minutes or so for the last 2 hours.

so um…yeah.

i really should be sleeping right now, but my brain is not shutting off any time soon. even if this is nothing, this is still “something” and whatever it is, it’s keeping me the hell awake right now. (although the 12:18 hit was definitely *not* charlotte)

the hospital has wifi, so you may be hearing from me again before it’s all really over, depending on how long it takes.

today (which is technically almost week 37) was my 36 week checkup. it included an ultrasound.

the ultrasound was great in some ways, a bit of let down in others. charlotte is very healthy, a decent size (6lbs 10oz today), and very snugly head down (could have told you that). she’s also quite the mobile little kicker (could have told you that, too). according to the ultrasound technician, charlotte should be making her debut on november 1st.

i was looking forward to *seeing* her a bit more, and unfortunately we didn’t get to see much. she’s just so big right now, that there wasn’t any great “pan down the body” shots. her arms and legs took up the entire screen and blipped in and out. because her head is in a good position for labor, her face was in a crap-tastic place for getting a glimpse.

i shouldn’t complain, i know, and i’m not really. having such a great glimpse of her so close to the end (and so long after the last one), was very cool and very reassuring.

we also had a “me” checkup. i am 80% effaced and starting to dilate, so that’s pretty cool. my bp was a bit up, my ankles were a bit … plump so we talked about what i needed to do to stay healthy for the next few weeks. the answer? “limited activity.” i’ll be spending the next few weeks with my feet up on the sofa and doing minimal chores and such. fortunately i’m not stuck on full bed rest, and i’ll be doing my best to make sure it stays that way.

one “nice” thing about all of this: you, dear reader, will have fairly frequent updates. i mean, what else am i going to do? write thank you notes?

oh man.

i really, *really* should have known better. the amazon reviews of Natural Childbirth the Bradley(r) Way, by Susan McCutcheon warned me that it was a bit out of date and very pro “natural” (ie: no medical assistance) child birth. still, i gave it a chance. it was one of highest rated/reviewed books on the bradley method, and i wanted to do a bit of research.

what i was ultimately looking for was an elaboration on what some other books hand hinted at: that bradley was about breathing with/through your contractions, and that it was coach centered. i wanted something to give me a bit of guidance for how to best meditate through my contractions. i wanted something that might give ryan and me ideas about what specific role he can play in the labor/birthing process.

what i got was seriously messed up science, painful bias and ultimately nothing of use.

the book was first published in 1984, with a revised edition in 1996. granted, i chose to overlook the fact that 1996 was 11 years ago when i read the “too outdated” reviews, assuming that i would just weed out the wrong stuff. the problem was deeper than that. it wasn’t just outdated. it was self-righteous and biased against any sort of research or new and upcoming advances. i could write an entire post about how blatantly they turn anecdotal evidence into facts and how every mention of some new discovery/technology was used as an argument about how little we know, not how much we’re learning.

for example: in a chapter about the dangers of fetal monitoring during labor, it mentions that doctors will sugarcoat all the benefits while downplaying or going so far as to not mention the risks and dangers of using the monitor. which is exactly what the book was doing about almost everything. the blatant hypocrisy was so pervasive that i struggled to get past it, and i pride myself on being able to sift through such things.

this book towed the “women have been doing this for thousands of years and modern medicine is ruining the experience” more aggressively than any book/article i’ve come across, yet. and it’s not like i haven’t been looking. it also went out of it’s way to insist that if you do everything it says perfectly correctly, you can have a completely intervention-free and pain-free birthing experience. the author insisted that if you had any pain, or anything didn’t go exactly to your plan, it was because you failed either in preparing, let the evil doctors take control, or didn’t believe in the method strongly enough. that’s right. if you don’t have faith that it will work out, it won’t. it’s all your fault.

the paradox of the whole thing was that the bits of it that did validate what i was looking for were so completely overshadowed by the propaganda that i can’t trust any of it. i can’t look at it and say, “well 85% of it is clearly bunk, but the 15% that i find useful is probably completely legit.” i doubt this book would even be helpful for someone who was pro home/no-tech birth because of the pressure it puts on you to be perfect. you really have to be on your toes to weed through all of it, and come out with anything of value on the other side.

in short: stay away. there’s not enough to be useful, no matter what your goals are.

friday i came home from work a little early because it was time to be tired. after resting a bit, i started prepping for tonight’s party by consolidating the gifts from last weekend’s shower. i had them all in their original bags while i wrote the thank you notes, but i wanted them all sort of “away” before they house got full of folks.

i worked too hard. i know that. i irritated my bursitis and my swollen-ish ankles got seriously swollen. ah well, it was fun and worth it. afterwards i went to sit on the couch for a while and make up for all that labor. charlotte woke up, did a little yoga (lots of stretches) and went back to sleep. about an hour later, i got up to change back into “going out” clothes (ie: jeans and a tshirt for running errands) and noticed that my stomach was a different shape.

charlotte is lightening!

i look like a man with a beer gut hanging over his pants, without having anything constricting at my “waist”. my belly button had been pointing straight forward, now points to a spot about two feet in front of me on the floor. i can no longer set things on the top of my stomach because there’s a slope where the shelf used to be. unfortunately this also means that she has all new places to kick and stretch, fun new nerves and body parts to press on, and *plenty* of room for her feet to move about by my ribs, but i’ll take it.

i know this isn’t really any indicator of anything other than i’m a first time mother nearing the end of her pregnancy. it’s not like lightening occurs exactly 2 weeks before labor or anything, but it’s progress and progress makes me happy.

in other news, our friends had their baby earlier this week. this is significant outside of the realm of generally happy news because her due date was a month ahead of mine. there is only one more baby in queue before charlotte and the two others that are due the first few days in november. visiting elisabeth in the hospital was another “now please” boost as well. i held her and all i could think of was charlotte and how much i wanted to meet her.

(insert standard lack-of-picture excuse here)