no checkup this month, but that doesn’t mean things aren’t happening. after staring at our food while we ate for the last couple of weeks, we finally started her on solids. so far it’s going pretty rocky. she gets about 3 mouthfuls in before she gets bored/angry/etc. by the third feeding, however, she grasped the concept of “open mouth, insert spoon.” what she does with the spoon varies, however. sometimes she swallows. sometimes she gums and grimaces, and sometimes she clamps down and everything goes out the front door.

it’s a learning process this month, though, so i’m not too disheartened. it’s a bit frustrating though. she’s a quick eater, whether she’s at the breast or the bottle, so this solid-food stuff is extra tedious in comparison. we’re also about to start weaning off the breast. i was considering weaning straight from breast to solids, but i think that’s going to take quite a while. for now we’re averaging one “solid” meal and one bottle a day, and i’m not pumping out the excess. we’re not really counting the solid meal as a meal, though. i think in the next couple of weeks, that’ll move to two times a day (consciously, not “averaging”), one in the morning and one in the evening so that i don’t get overly full in the gaps.

sorry, i’m mostly thinking out loud. you didn’t come here for that, you came here for milestones, didn’t you? well, if not, too bad that’s what you’re getting now :)

• (should be) laugh out loud: this is left over from 4 months. she laughs for certain, but still very rarely. i guess we’re not funny enough?
• (should be) on stomach, raise chest, supported by arms: rolling onto her stomach in the crib brought this skill up to par within days.
• (should be) the raisin thing: still haven’t tested this. we don’t really have raisin-sized things around.
• (probably) roll over (one way): what does one way mean? she can go from back to front and front to back just fine, but is better at one direction than the other
• (probably) say “ah-goo”: has this one down, but is much, *much* more entertained by squealing and gurgling in the back of her throat.
• (may possibly) sit without support: not yet, at least not easily, but we’re focusing on that during play time.
• (may even) pull to standing: no (thank goodness)
• (may even) stand holding onto someone/thing: she likes to stand on your lap, bounce up and down, or swing her hips like she’s impersonating elvis.
• (may even) object if you try to take a toy away: i watched her do this at a shower last week. it was highly entertaining
• (may even) work to get a toy out of reach: that’s how we’re encouraging her to crawl
• (may even) pass an object from one hand to the other: she’s doing this, but not with purpose yet. usually because she brings both hands plus the object to her mouth, but i’m not sure that’s relevant.
• (may even) look for a dropped object: not quite up on object permanence yet. she *does* like to take things and drop them out of her crib/car seat/jumper/changing table, etc. it’s a fun game.
• (may even) rake tiny object with fingers: again, no tiny things, but she will pick up links that are near by
• (may even) babble: not yet. verbal skills are still far behind the gross/fine motor ones

and a new feature: Kelly’s irrational, unfounded fears for Charlotte this month:

• autism: it runs in the family and has replaced peanut allergy as the “it” topic for the media. no other reason.
• crosseyed: also silly, but occasionally when she looks at me, they look a little “off.” i had this problem as a babe, but it was eventually determined that one side of my nose was a bit thicker than the other side, and that created an illusion.

before the next monthly update we’ll have upgraded to size 3 diapers, 6-9 months clothes, and had a baptism. if i get a chance, i’ll tell you about her very first professional portrait sitting. in the mean time, check flickr for some less-professional work.

on sunday, grandpa was holding charlotte while eating a piece of gooey butter cake. without any warning, she stuck her hands straight in the pile of sugary goodness. in the ensuing hilarity and chaos, she managed to stick one cake-coated hand into her mouth. as i pulled it out, she broke into the biggest grin i’ve ever seen.

and thusly, charlotte had her very first (accidental) taste of people food.

the internet tells me that babies that are breast-fed exclusively may not poop for days at a time. this is because breast milk is so “perfect” that most of it is used up, leaving little for waste, aka poop. while the expert articles suggest that 5-7 days is normal, the anecdotal evidence in the articles’ comments mention 10+ days to more than 2 weeks as being perfectly healthy.

since about new year’s day, charlotte’s pooping habits changed. instead of almost always going (every diaper change was both wet and dirty), it was like someone fixed the leaky faucet. she’d go once, maybe twice a day, sometimes 36 hours between poops and the rest of her diapers would be wet but clean. then the big break happened. charlotte pooped last saturday night (1/5) and again the next morning. then she went on a poop strike. on thursday i called the pediatrician. i wanted some verbal confirmation that the internet and its experts weren’t lying to me. the nurse said that it was perfectly normal since she was happy and eating regularly. she told me to call back on monday (today) if she still hadn’t gone, but that they would likely just tell me to keep watching her if she was still happy and healthy.

so we waited and she farted (super-stinky farts) with increasing regularity. saturday night (day 6ish of the poop-strike), she demonstrated that everything was still working by dropping a dime-sized amount. then nothing. had the nurse not told me she wasn’t going to be concerned and if we didn’t have an appt. on thursday already, i might have called today. as it was, i didn’t have to.

there we were, minding our own business, playing “how strong is my neck” (pulling her into a sitting position slowly by her arms) and the poop-strike was over. she of course gave no indication that anything different was going on, and would have been content to keep playing, regardless of how leaky she’d become. one very dirty diaper, several wipes, an impromptu second bath, and a new onesie later and she was happy as a clam. i also changed clothes.

as if we weren’t having enough fun, we’re fairly certain she’s on the cusp of teething as well. she has two bumps in her mouth where her lower canines might grow. when you rub them, she clamps down on your finger and is content. when she’s cranky at night (a different sort of cranky than colic), she’s content about 10 minutes after you give her a shot of tylenol.

we have a doctor’s appointment on thursday to verify that she’s gaining weight steadily enough. i’m glad she pooped today instead of closer to the appointment. it’ll give us time to fill her back up ;)

did i mention a few weeks ago that i’d given up tomatoes in hopes that it might be causing some of the fussiness?  

well, i did. for about three weeks i’ve been tomato free. no pasta sauces, no pizza, not even a slice on a hamburger. i won’t say it’s been torture, but i’m itching to make something comforting and domestic for dinner and my top 3 (only) favorite recipes are spaghetti sauce, manicotti, and meatloaf. all are heavily tomato sauce/paste based.

we didn’t think that the lack of tomatoes had an impact on the colic after all. it had gotten worse over the weeks, before leveling out with a predictable schedule. it starts one hour after she eats and lasts about 25 minutes. episodes that occur between 3 and 7 pm are usually longer and stronger. if you can get her into a deep sleep before it happens, she’ll usually sleep right through it, especially over night.

two nights ago, we ate some pasta that had bits of tomatoes in it. it came from a frozen package so they weren’t fresh or anything. the next morning (about 3 feedings later), she had a red rash on her bottom that was eerily like what i had when i was a baby and someone fed me anything tomato-y. even with the butt paste it grew worse during the day. merry christmas poor baby. now, every time she poops, even the little mini-smears that are mostly farts, she screams in pain. it’s slowly fading, and should be gone tomorrow, but one thing’s for certain: no more tomatoes for me.

besides that, things are going really well. the colic, while not gone, is at least predictable, which is always helpful. she keeps her neck up most of the time now, when she’s being held upright. it only threatens to flop when she’s sleepy. she still doesn’t seem to understand that tummy time is where she should be learning to keep it up/push up/etc. instead she just lays with her cheek on the pad, looking at something at eye level.

she’s really looking around these days. i didn’t realize how alert she was, since she’s the only baby i know, until so many people commented on it at christmas. she can clearly spot/watch people several feet away, and will gaze up and hold eye contact with most people who hold her. she recognizes me by sight now. yesterday morning while she and ryan were on the couch and she was fussing a bit, i came up behind them and she stopped and started cooing. of course, she went right back to fussing when she realized that i wasn’t immediately picking her up to feed her ;)

she’s smiling a whole lot, too. the first smiles we “counted” happened saturday during the day. before then she’d sort of stare off into the distance and quirk her mouth a bit. saturday was the first day she’d look at you and respond to your voice/actions with a grin. i took copious pictures, of course, but the still shots don’t really do the grin justice. i almost got a giggle out of her while we were playing on sunday, so i don’t think laughing is far off.

i’m amazed at how quickly she’s been changing the past 2 or 3 weeks.

this is a hard post to write. i compose it over and over in my head while the days go by, but when i find a moment to actually type it up, i’m usually so drained or beat down, or just…not in the mood that it won’t come out right. we are all very healthy. i think charlotte might have a wee bit of a cold, which isn’t too surprising, given all the touching she’s been exposed to in the last week. she doesn’t seem too bothered by it, other than the random fussing and sneezing. it certainly hasn’t affected her appetite at all. she was 8lbs 6oz at our most recent checkup/weight check, which puts her at over an ounce a day.breastfeeding is also going very well. as i said, she’s gaining plenty of weight. i’m also *mostly* past the painful part of the process. although we’ve mastered the basics, i’m still at a complete loss for how people manage to feed in public. any time i try to cover up as “practice” it doesn’t go well. how can you see anything?! i’m also struggling a bit with the pump. it works great and all, but finding time/opportunity to pump while also having enough milk for her when she’s hungry is a real trick. the whole thing still strikes me as a bit absurd when i think to hard about the fact that there’s a human feeding from a part of my body.and then there’s me.physically i’m doing…absurdly well. as predicted, i lost most/all of the weight i’d gained during pregnancy by the time we got home. granted, it was *only* 15 lbs, so it’s not all that impressive. as the water-weight drained away over the next week, i lost another 15 pounds. thanks to the breastfeeding, i’m still loosing weight. i weigh less now than i have since the first year we were married. before you go hating me too much, please bear in mind that i was very over-weight when i got pregnant, and still need to lose another 30 or so pounds before i reach a healthy weight. i’ve made some drastic changes to my diet since becoming pregnant, and so far, most of them are sticking.mentally, well…being a new mom is rough. i have days full of confidence where i think i can totally pull this off, but they’re interrupted by moments of intense self-doubt, which leave me pretty paralyzed and really distraught. i don’t think it’s much more than the standard “baby blues,” so far. it helps to have a very supportive and loving husband/father around to pick me up when i crumble *and* take the lion’s share of the baby care while i get over myself.the last few days have been especially trying. i think that we might have a colicy baby on our hands. if she’s not sleeping or eating, she’s been screaming her head off. there’s nothing wrong, i’m not eating anything funny to make her upset. yesterday she wailed for the bulk of the day (from about 11:30 to 3:30 when she finally went to sleep), and well into the evening/night (6pm - 2amish with very few breaks). today was a bit better, partially because she’d worn herself out so much, and partially because we knew what to expect. i ended up singing “amazing grace” for almost an hour straight today to try and stave off the fussies. tomorrow i think i’m going to try christmas carols. maybe a little silent night or away in a manger.she’s asleep now, so we’re going to head to bed. when i get a chance, my next goal is to upload a bunch of pictures from the past couple of weeks onto the flicker account, so stay tuned!

when my father was dying/died earlier this year, my mother was obsessed with signs. a bird outside the window, a strange phone call, a mis-behaving tivo. you name it, it was a sign. or at least, she wanted me to tell her if i thought it was a sign or not. repeatedly (and gently) i told her that anything can be a sign of anything and if they made her feel better it was a good thing and not to worry to much.

i am experiencing my own “sign” frenzy. every time something happens that’s a “sign” of impending labor i start to get excited, or at least anxious for it to confirm itself as a *true* sign of pregnancy.

examples? on friday i had some spotting. while rational-me kept reminding the rest of me that spotting after a checkup is normal, irrational-wanna-baby-now-me kept reminding the rest of me that i’d never spotted after a checkup before and maybe it was a bit pinker than brown even if it was very thin, so it could still be the bloody show (great name, huh) and one of those “within 48 hours” signs i’ve been waiting for.

but it wasn’t.

on sunday, my digestive track decided it was done dealing with my food for a while. often, within about 4 to 48 hours before labor begins, a woman can get nauseous and/or have diarrhea as her body begins to prioritize labor over food. rational-me pointed out that after the choices i’d made over the past few days (diner food, heavy cream pasta sauces, etc), it was really not surprising that i might have some … discomfort followed by some diarrhea. irrational-wanna-baby-now-me quickly countered with how different my bowels were behaving even though my diet hadn’t *really* changed all that much. when a normal, sensible meal offered the same speedy result as the greasy stuff, iwbn-me almost managed to get the rest of me on board. had it not been for the complete and utter lack of really-real impending labor signs (no show, not even some faux-contractions) i think i might have gone completely crazy. or, you know, into actual labor. today everything is back to “normal,” however, so i can’t even cling to the end date of that “sign”.

and the thing is, short of actual labor things that will cause me to directly go to the hospital or at least call someone, there’s nothing left to happen that’s going to impress. the best “here it comes!” set-up has a “within 4 hours to a few days” timeframe, and guess what? i’m 3 days out from the due date my last ultrasound pegged me at, 5 days from my dr’s due date, and 7 from what i would consider the *real* due date, once my ovulation cycle is factored into the math. i fully expect my doctor to schedule an induction appointment at my next checkup (wednesday) for the week after my due date.

so yeah, it’s probably going to be within 4 hours to a few days from now, signs or no signs.

yesterday i told a friend that i preferred signless days to sign-full days because then at least i wasn’t driving myself crazy hoping against rationality. turns out it really doesn’t matter anymore. sign-less days (like today) are their own kind of “where the hell did my signs go?” crazy-making.

to top off all the sign-crazy, i’m getting a bit irrational. (yeah, i know, “getting”) it seems like my breasts are shrinking for some reason. if i lie (lay?) in certain positions in bed, it sort of feels like i don’t have a belly anymore. i have this weird moments when i’m waking up where i really feel like instead of giving birth, i’m just going to slowly become un-pregnant over the next 9 months. like we missed some sort of window and my body’s just going to shut down the show. it takes me a considerable moment for biology to convince me otherwise.

i’ve got to hand it to charlotte, though. throughout all of this crazy, she’s stayed active without being frantic. it’s a constant, stabilizing reminder that while things may be unpredictable and worrisome out here, inside she’s perfectly fine. and really, signs and craziness and irrationality and impatience aside, that’s what’s most important to all of us.

i noticed a couple of days ago that my pants were fitting funny. yesterday i realized it’s because my ass doesn’t seem to be as large as it was.

can that be true? i’m almost in my 8th month and my ass is actually *shrinking*? that’s just not in keeping with my world view. i mean, sure, i haven’t gained much weight in the past month or so and charlotte certainly has, but still, a smaller ass?

alas, i was wrong. as a previously pregnant co-worker pointed out, my ass wasn’t getting smaller. my hips were spreading and my ass was flattening out as it stretched to keep up.

lame.

(posty-post later?)

you know what? there isn’t really much to report on just now. we’re all just sort of doing our thing and waiting for the next phase/doctor’s visit.

we went to the doctor about a week ago and besides being reminded why i like my doctor so much, it was largely uneventful. she asked me to stay on the progesterone until i hit 12 weeks and then start weaning myself off (which i’m doing, now that i’m officially at 12 weeks). we took a shot at listening for the heartbeat, but were unsuccessful. i’m still full of worry that something’s wrong in there and the only reason we don’t know it is because of the progesterone. i hope when we have our appointment at week 14 and we hear the heartbeat that i’ll be more relaxed, but i have a feeling it will take until the ultrasound at 18 weeks before i calm down about that. of course, that will just make room for different things to worry about ;)

the bump is growing a bit all the time (which, if i were normally rational, i would interpret as a sign that everything’s okay, but i can’t because i’m me). it’s to the point that when i’m sitting back in a chair, it will “hang over” (at least visually) a note pad or computer i have in my lap. i still have moments where i look fat instead of pregnant, but i’m starting to make the conscious choice for clothes that push towards looking pregnant. i’ve bought a couple of things (here and there, on sale and such), but i’m not quite big enough for any of them to look right yet. i did buy a bigger bra though, which has helped discomfort out a bit.

we went to a wedding yesterday and took pictures of “the bump” in a dress not really designed for bumping. it accommodates it pretty well at this stage though if you just push the gentle waistband up over the bump. those pictures should be up as soon as i get not-lazy enough to do so.

i’m looking forward to the first trimester being over. i haven’t gotten “all the way” sick, but i have had a few days where i got much closer than i’d like. nothing really crazy like the oj has happened since, i have been on a “mmm…buffalo wings/chicken fingers/chicken sandwich” kick which is probably not just me wanting things that taste good. i have days were i want meat, days where i want juice, but again, nothing quite so “omg love!” as the oj thing.

friday a (smaller than normal) group from work went to starbucks (like we do most mornings). i decided that instead of a hot sweet coffee flavored (decaf) drink, i wanted something like juice. so i went up to the little display case and gazed at the rows and rows of smoothies and fancy mixed juice drinks and such and spied the orange juice. i bought a bottle (maybe 12 oz? maybe 16?)…and drank the entire thing before our party had received all their drinks. it was not a slow day. i probably finished in 2-3 minutes.

here’s the kicker: i do not like orange juice. at all. in order to get me to drink it willingly it needs to be fresh squeezed (or taste as such) and virtually pulp free. this was neither. the entire time i was drinking it i was aware of the distasteful qualities but i could not help thinking, “this is so satisfying.”

when i was finished ryan turned to me and said “you want another, don’t you?”

he was right.

earl grey tea smells like after-shave. tastes okay though.

things with spinach (quiche, etc) now taste almost entirely of spinach.

i pretty much just drink water, juice, and propel these days. i’ve mostly given up caffeine. i only have some when my brain says to me, “caffeine or migraine?” mostly that’s tea, because i can control the strength to some extent and not add on a bunch of calories. i miss soda, though. i’m trying to stay away from sweeteners as well as the caffeine, and i really can’t justify the extra calories of a full-sugar soda, so i pretty much only try it out when i need the boost. yesterday’s diet dr. pepper tasted “off,” but i wrote it off as being old and not used to the taste of sweeteners anymore. today i was feeling cranky at lunch, so i got a regular fountain dr. pepper to cheer me up. it, too, tasted off, and i had neither old-ness or sweetener to explain it. when a coworker asked if tasted tinny, (which it did), he shared that his wife cannot drink it while pregnant either because of how funny it tastes. this is more irritating to me than the fish.

for the last almost 30 years, if you had put sugar candy (esp. cherry or caramel flavored) next to a piece of chocolate and asked me to pick one, i would have grabbed the sugar candy every time (huge disparity in quality aside, mind you). it’s not that i don’t like chocolate, i just like the other stuff more. not so much anymore. now sugar candy tastes “okay” but the snow-caps at the move theatre taste divine and intensely chocolatey.

i am trying very hard to eat good food and decent amounts but the perpetual queasiness makes it difficult to find anything appealing.